i want to tell You more about why i garnered that much respect and devotion for my previous Owner.
i was absolutely infatuated by Her. W/we began talking via yahoo. i had gotten out of jail that very day, no shit. i had been locked up for four months, and decided to stay at a friends house, as i didn't make rent while i was locked up, try to stay out of trouble, have a few beers, and go on-line to a chat room, just to blow off some steam. To back up the story a little, i was locked up on felony charges of burglury (i robbed a drug dealer), possession of L.S.D, and escape, so no, i'm not one of those pretend bad boys that are commonly seen on CM and FDS. W/we talked for roughly three weeks. She was originally seeking a sub to have play time with for Her birthday that was coming up at the time, and i just happened to be on-line at that just so time. She wanted to feel safe, of course, before getting me as her B-Day present, but She also knew, and made me well aware, i was going into a situation, where even though i wasn't going to be Her fulltime live-in, She had me roped into not being able to say no, or having any desire to leave once i got there. i did, of course, eventually go to Her. She knew i was fresh out of jail and was basically just staying where i could, when i could, so She told me that if She felt like it, i would be staying longer than the week She told me She wanted me there, and i knew She was right. She was the sadistic type, but not the beat me, whip me kind of sadist. She was the type to do things that honestly made me uneasy, or might piss me off everytime She said or did something to me. She had me in a chastity device (CB2000) the entire time, as well, but still made me "please" Her. At the time, i considered myself straight...as an arrow...so She would intentionally have Her male Dom friends over. There was only one time one of them did anything to me, and even though i was VERY reluctant, i did as he told me to do...You probably don't want to know what he did, though...so i will skip that part of the story. After he left, She took me out shopping, in pblic, with my knees still shaking. i was obviously scared shittless. She really enjoyed screwing with my head. She had total control over me, and never raised a violent hand towards me even once. She just kept telling me what my other options were, knowing i could quite possibly be homeless without Her. This went on for the twnty-eight days i mentioned before. After She sent me on my way, She let me know that it was all for the better for me, with Her training, due to the fact of what i believed in the past, about my reasons for Women being natually superior, that for the time i was with Her, i bowed down, shut up, did as She told me to do, and i didn't have any problems in my life for any reason. Yes, i am aware this was a strong form of blackmail...or if maybe that term is too harsh, i could say extreme mental bondage...but She was correct. i did what i was told to do, and i didn't have a problem in the world. Even after going back to Ohio where i originally came from (She lived in Texas), i started just naturally doing as Women asked of me, without hesitation. Things got ALOT better for me with, life in general. i used what She taught me, and applied it to the outside world (outside of a D/s relationship). Since then, i have only screwed up once in the past four years. That's a good run for me, though. That is why She was so amazing.
That is the kind of Domme i hope to again find someday. One in which once i am Her control, i have no choice (REALLY, no choice), but to do as She says without some dire circumstances coming into play (even outside the lifestyle). my former owner litterally made me Her puppet, and Her bitch, but honestly, She had such a profound effect on my life, that before i eventually blink out of existance, and events of my life flash through my head that one more time (or so people say they do), i am positive She will be in there somewhere, and i will still have the same amount of respect and love for Her then as i did back then when i was owned.
i would be amazed if You actually read all of this, but i did give You the sissy side of things, but i wanted to give You the real side of things about me, as well. i will stop, being i have written a book now.
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